No More Bullies!!

I have never had issues with true bullying before, but this year has been a rough one. I never thought my kids would have issues with bullying, but it seems that the more technology that is given, to younger and younger unsupervised kids, the worse the problem has gotten. I have been dealing with issues of bullying with one of my kids since late December and January. Trying to figure out how to make it ok for them. This weekend I spent some time with my three girls and we talked about what they/I could do to be proactive in our lives. To stand up for themselves, not be mean, but not take flat out bullying.

It is interesting, because I have thought about my own life and if I have been an example to them for standing up for themselves. The sad truth is, I haven't. I tend to try and be a people pleaser, no matter what. That is not a good example all the time. Yes it is good to be there and supportive, to be kind and to not brag or boast, but it is not ok to let people walk all over you, take advantage and basically let them become more important than yourself or your family.

So we are learning together. As I was putting away my youngest school things, I found a paper he colored....No Bullies. It says:

Bullying: When someone unfairly huts you over and over.

Bullies may be

Muscle Bullies

Mouth Bullies

Friend Snatcher Bullies

To Deal with a Bully --- TELL

Then I found this sign. How many times do we accept those things in our lives. It is not truly bullying unless it is the same person over and over. As a parent, I wanted to talk to my kids about this subject. With the many methods of "talking" these days, it is so much easier to "bully" someone. You never even have to "see" them. You can text, buzz, gchat, FB, email. So easy to never have to see the person you are talking to, and no one to "hear" you say it. No consequences. We had to "block" someone this past week who has constantly bullied one of mine. While I discussed with my kids the need to inform me about such things, I also discussed with them the reason they are not allowed to have private accounts. Just as I don't want anyone bullying them, I don't want them to do the same and me not have any idea that it is happening.

I know that probably strikes a lot of people as intruding in lives, my philosophy has always been, until 18 and in my home your privacy is limited and earned. 11 yr olds need guidance, not privacy in my opinion.

So, we are practicing, how to handle. While, telling a teacher is usually accepted, what do you do outside of school, the parents that don't think their child does anything wrong. What then?? Telling can make it worse. So we have spent time and will continue to spend time learning how to handle different situation and how to say.....what you did is not ok and make sure they understand it will not be taken.

As a mom, I want to go and smack those little kids, but I am thinking that might land me in jail. And I can't go and slap the grown ups that also bully. So the only thing left is to make a decision to handle it different.

I have been lucky to some extent, because the bullying we have faced is not physical. But at the same time, that means the wounds are deeper, take longer to heal and there is no "proof" that anything actually happened. It is not right.

Sorry to be on a soap box, but it is an issue that is becoming more and more prevalent because kids are given more and more "freedom" with out guidance or structure. So here at my home, we are taking lessons in how to deal with Bullies

Any suggestions???